• multifacetedacg

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I believe something is wrong with me.


Not inherently, per se, but definitely present for some time. The holiday season has just ended and that’s usually a time when many desire togetherness and reflections about loved ones who have come and gone. Usually. I make an effort but I don’t really miss too many people. Not long-term, at least.


A memory will surface and after I process it, I move on. A desire to step out will surface and I gravitate towards doing that alone more than with others. I’m coupled up but I barely miss him because we communicate several times a day. All the same, I barely talk with some other loved ones and don’t think to check on them, so I can’t blame it on absence making the heart grow fonder.

I think there’s a portion of me that will always cleave to being alone. The full autonomy over my decision, actions, interactions and energy feels more and more like it is threatened as a grow older. People miss me. People want me around. I would much rather have more time in between interactions but that’s damn near pushing up on 2-3 times a year when I have the “energy.” That’s odd. That’s the Something Wrong, ya know?

So, I want to challenge that. Though I am who I am, can I grow to value my personal relationships more? Can I reach a point of wanting family and friends more intimately involved in my life? And why does it spark worry within me?


The line between privacy and intimacy is thin and I think I make it a damn cavern. It can change... I can change. I can embrace more gratitude, compassion, and interest without losing myself. I can, if even for only one very intentional year.

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